Typical quotes from mothers (n = 40) about general DV questions
| Question | Positive | Negative |
|---|---|---|
| How do you and your partner work out arguments? | I can be euphemistic and give coded answers. | Use disagreement instead of argument, kids might be embarrassed by the answer. |
| Gives the physician an idea about how problems are solved. | ||
| One day it might be terrible and 3 days later it might be fine, but it’s not necessarily abuse. | ||
| Seems intrusive … is that any of your business? | ||
| In general how do you describe your relationship? | No trigger words; opens the door to learning more. | Your relationship should not be discussed in front of the kids. |
| Too general to find out about domestic violence. | ||
| There are a lot of euphemisms you can use to describe a relationship that’s not going well. | You can’t give one-word answers. | |
| How is your partner treating you and the kids? | For domestic violence this would be the true question. | What does that mean? Like does he buy me a diamond … |
| Good way to open up. | Like is he a good provider? | |
| We’re a package, if you like me you’ve got to like my kids. | Separate the you and kids. | |
| This gets at child abuse. | Seems too nosey, too straightforward. | |
| Do you feel safe in your current relationship? | It’s all about safety. | Safe is a red flag in our house. It’s mommy’s job to keep you safe. |
| Can just give a one-word answer—yes or no. | Kids will understand safe, maybe stable or secure Perhaps stressed instead of safe… | |
| Good question, it is the follow-up that might cause problems. | Safety, that’s admitting vulnerability. There may even be some pride involved. | |
| Considering your current partners or friends or any past partners or friends, is there anyone who is making you feel unsafe now? | Can admit something wrong without having to say exactly. | Too vague |
| So convoluted, kids won’t understand. | Kids understand safe and unsafe. | |
| If you are not in a current relationship you still could have a past person that is causing problems. | Instead of partners and friends, say people. You know how kids think … it depends on how a parent introduces their kids to people they date. It might be somebody the kid didn’t like |